I am disgusting, i just want to die already

someone please kill me before i go insane?

this is no life to live, i don’t deserve it anyway

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I haven’t cut since the 16th May, so like 9 days, and I haven’t even felt it that hard to stop, but stopping cutting is just making me want to die more than ever, I’ve got no other way of letting out my anger/frustration/upset so it’s all building up inside me and it’s getting too much.

I know that when I do cut, it will be 10x deeper and worse than before, because that’s all that keeps happening, I keep stopping cutting for a week, or maybe two, then just break under all the pressure and cut, cut deeper and deeper.

What’s the point in trying to stop, when it’s worse than it used to be? I thought stopping was meant to be a positive thing? When I used to cut everyday, I never cut this deep, but now I’m trying to stop I’m cutting deeper. Surely that shows that ‘recovery’ isn’t for me?

Why am I even trying? I give up already.